What's the best thing you can say about a terrible car?

"UKGTR335" (UKGTR335) 01/10/2014 at 14:37 • Filed to: None

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So Patrick George's article yesterday listing the worst selling cars and trying to justify why people should buy them got me thinking about looking for the best aspects of bad cars, and how you can make something terrible sound appealing. Today I was killing time by searching Autotrader for wagons under $5,000, just to see what was floating around, and I came across this !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! wagon for the low low price of $2,250. The best that the poor bastard who had to write the summary for this car could do was to say that it was "practical." He listed some generic features and then just said ". . . and more!" as if you should know about all the awesome things that come on a Nubira Wagon.

What would you say about this wagon to make it seem somewhat appealing? Give me your most creative redeeming features. I'm sure some of you work in advertising/marketing and can come up with something amazing.

What other terrible cars are out there? What do you say about them to make them appealing?

Satoshi "Zipang" Katsura > UKGTR335 01/10/2014 at 14:40

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Subaru Alcyone SVX

Sure, it may come with a plethora of problems as well as being Manual-only, but look at that body!

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > UKGTR335 01/10/2014 at 14:40

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For the Toyota Prius, it did start the whole hybrid and battery (electric) craze which has to led to some incredible things:

Jagvar > UKGTR335 01/10/2014 at 14:42

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Oh my God, my coworkers and I were having a laugh about the same car a month ago! Someone posed the question of whether or not there were still any Daewoos in the U.S., and we found this very Nubira wagon on Craigslist. The language in the ad was priceless.

AeroEagle333 > UKGTR335 01/10/2014 at 14:46

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It's got that 16V D-TEC though!

UKGTR335 > Jagvar 01/10/2014 at 14:49

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Who knew Nubiras even came as wagons? Seriously, if you only had $2,500 and you needed a car right now, couldn't you find at least one other car for sale that would satisfy your needs and be less crap?

Poor guy that has to write the ads. I envision someone pulling an all-nighter, scouring dictionaries and thesauruses looking for a word, before finally giving up at 6am and just deciding that "practical" is the best he could do.

UKGTR335 > Satoshi "Zipang" Katsura 01/10/2014 at 14:50

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Or "Hey! With these weird semi-windows, you don't even have to buy those plastic rain deflector thingies from Autozone!"

UKGTR335 > AeroEagle333 01/10/2014 at 14:51

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Chicks love that D-TEC!

Rico > UKGTR335 01/10/2014 at 14:55

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Pontiac Aztek.

"Same car Walter White has on Breaking Bad! Maybe you too can become a meth dealer, hiding from police while building an empire and killing people along the way as that is the only excitement this car may grant you!"

Wacko > Satoshi "Zipang" Katsura 01/10/2014 at 15:04

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how is manual only a problem,

you do not sound like a true Jalop

Satoshi "Zipang" Katsura > Wacko 01/10/2014 at 15:05

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FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU - Meant to say Automatic-Only

Wacko > Satoshi "Zipang" Katsura 01/10/2014 at 15:09

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see now, auto only is a big problem

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > UKGTR335 01/10/2014 at 15:16

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1995-1999 Monte Carlo. It's slow, handles like a large boat, and will try to kill you. But the engine makes a nice noise if you put on aftermarket mufflers and cat. It also takes abuse like a champ riiiiiiiight up the one time it doesn't.

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > UKGTR335 01/10/2014 at 15:17

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She wants the D......TEC

UKGTR335 > themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles 01/10/2014 at 15:38

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Sold. Shut up and take my money. But only if it has more than 175,000 miles.

AMC/Renauledge > UKGTR335 01/10/2014 at 15:44

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At least you can get a good deal used!

themanwithsauce - has as many vehicles as job titles > UKGTR335 01/10/2014 at 16:14

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is there a 90s monte that doesn't have 175k?